It’s been more than three years since I’ve been able to blog, and now I’m not sure where to start.  As readers and friends know, after dealing with a mysterious chronic-fatigue-inducing illness for years, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2006.  I rejoiced to finally have a name, to know that it wasn’t in my head, and to have a plan of action for treating it.  Health seemed possible again.  But the journey getting back to health has been far more than I ever bargained for.

I assumed with my determined spirit and no-holds-barred approach to getting well that I could lick this thing in a matter of months.  I had no idea how sick I was and how little is known about chronic Lyme and how to treat it. Or that the treatment would, in some ways, be harder than the disease itself.

Eventually, my journey with Lyme will be a book.  (Actually, I was under contract to write that book, but was unable to finish it — ironically, because of the Lyme. Ugh.)  It’s been by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with.  I can’t put into words what I’ve lost because of this illness — the years of not being able to work, the years of not being able to simply get off the couch and live.  I’ve faced depression unlike anything I ever could have imagined.  But — while I would never wish this on anyone — I also can’t put into words what I’ve gained.  An understanding of God’s great mercies, expressed so tangibly through family and friends.  The way this has molded me into someone different and in many ways better.  A sense of protection and strength in the midst of horrible vulnerability and weakness. Continue reading »